Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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