youre lurking in front of me
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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