just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
