Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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