my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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