Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize