i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My breasts were aching with rage.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
