TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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