genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
