I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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