guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
