Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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