I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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