Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
