we're blogging at a bar
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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