And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He felt like a one man threesome
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
