So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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