dude i'm inner monologue high
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
