he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
