Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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