i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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