WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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