Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
