Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
