When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I love you.
Bad choice
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