my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
