I think I have vodka in my lungs
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
