Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
