It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
