i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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