I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
