I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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