just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
