I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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