You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
