i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
smell my finger.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
