What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
