this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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