When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
