Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
are you so shy because you have an std?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
