I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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