My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize