as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
