That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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