i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
