I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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