yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
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I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
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The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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