there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
