it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
