It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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