I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
