Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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