Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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