Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon