I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair