When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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