Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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