Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he's gonorrhea incarnate
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
